💜 From Surviving to Thriving

How I Reclaimed Joy and Emotional Presence in Motherhood Despite Chronic Illness

Introduction:

This is more than just a story about illness; it's a story about a mother's love, the silent battles we fight, and the incredible power of the human spirit to find light in the darkest of times. It’s for every parent who has ever felt like they were failing, for every person who has been told their pain isn’t real, and for anyone who needs a reminder that healing is possible.

I recently shared a video of my son and me, caught in a moment of pure, unadulterated joy. We were laughing, being silly, and just…happy. To some, it might look like a simple, sweet moment. But for me, it was a victory. It was a miracle I had prayed for, a testament to a journey that took me through the depths of despair and back into the light.

Not long ago, those moments felt like a distant dream. The truth is, for years, I was a ghost in my own life. I was physically present, but my mind and heart were a million miles away, lost in a fog of chronic pain, exhaustion, and emotional turmoil. My son, in his beautiful innocence, would ask me to play. He’d bring me a book, wanting to cuddle and read. He’d roar and tell me it was time to play “tickle monster.” And every single time, a part of my soul would break because while I wanted to say yes more than anything in the world, I simply couldn’t.

I was stuck. Stuck in my own head, drowning in the overwhelming sea of emotions that comes with chronic illness. For me, it was fibromyalgia, a relentless condition that brought with it a host of other unwelcome guests. My body was in a constant state of high alert. Stress was my shadow, tension was a vice gripping my entire body, and a deep, aching pain was my constant companion. I just felt sick, all the time. How could I be emotionally present for anyone else when I was an emotional wreck inside?

The Downward Spiral: When the Lies of Chronic Illness Take Over

It felt like a hostile takeover of my mind. The devil, as I see it, was whispering a constant stream of lies, and for a long time, he was winning. My thoughts became a toxic echo chamber, repeating the same hopeless questions over and over:

• Why me?

• Is this all my life will ever be?

• Will I ever get better?

These weren't just thoughts; they were chains. They shackled me to a belief that I was failing in every aspect of my life. I looked at my son, my beautiful, energetic boy, and my heart would ache with the fear of what would happen to him. I can't take care of him properly, the voice would say. I can't keep the house clean. I can't cook a decent meal. I'm useless.

I was down for the count. The weight of it all was crushing. My relationship, which had once been my rock, started to feel like it was cracking under the strain. I was consumed by the fear that my boyfriend would leave. How could he not? I wasn't the woman I used to be. I couldn't contribute the way I once had. The fear that he would find someone else, someone whole, someone not broken, was a constant torment.

Sleep became a luxury I couldn't afford. My body was too tense, my mind too loud. I couldn't function. I was at my wit's end, a prisoner in my own life. I had had enough.

The Turning Point: Taking Back My Power

I couldn’t live that way anymore. A fire ignited within me, a spark of defiance against the darkness that had consumed me. I realized a fundamental truth: I couldn’t control the fibromyalgia, but I could control my reaction to it. I had the power to stop the thoughts, to refuse to dwell on the lies. I could choose where to focus my energy.

That realization was the key that unlocked my cage. As I consciously began to release the obsessive, negative thought patterns, something amazing happened. My body, which had been clenched in a perpetual state of stress, began to relax. Just a little at first, but it was enough. And for the first time in what felt like an eternity, I began to truly sleep at night.

This was the beginning of my true healing journey. It was no longer about just managing symptoms; it was about reclaiming my mind. I started to actively seek out tools that could help me, which led me to the world of mindset work. I discovered David Key and his transformative Inside Out method, and suddenly, everything started to make sense. It was like someone had finally handed me the instruction manual for my own mind.

I learned that my thoughts were not me. They were just thoughts, and I could choose whether or not to engage with them. I began to couple these powerful mindset strategies with the unwavering strength I found in biblical truths. This combination became my anchor, grounding me in a reality of hope and possibility rather than fear and despair.

The Journey Back to Presence: More Than Just a Mom, I’m a Tickle Monster Again

The change wasn’t overnight, but it was profound. As my mind began to heal, my body followed. The constant tension eased its grip. The fog of pain began to lift, sometimes for a few hours, sometimes for a whole day. And in those moments of clarity, I found my way back to my son.

I could finally be present with him. Really, truly present. When he laughed, I could laugh with him, not just next to him. We could cut up, be silly, and create the memories I had so desperately craved. I can play tickle monster again, and even though he’s bigger than me now, it’s a game we both cherish. It’s a symbol of how far we’ve come.

I stopped stressing over the things that were done or not done. The laundry pile, the dust on the shelves—it all lost its power over me. I learned to do what I can, when I can, and to let go of the rest without guilt. Of course, I still have bad days. Chronic illness is a journey, not a destination. But now, I have the tools to navigate those days without letting them consume me. I am actively working on my healing, and I have hope.

I don’t want anyone to have to go through or feel the way I did. You don’t have to live in that dark, lonely place. You don’t have to be a prisoner to your thoughts or your diagnosis. If my story resonates with you, please know that you are not alone. You have the power to come back to yourself. Let me show you the way.

Wrap-Up

Sister, if you made it to the end of this post, I see you. I see the woman who's trying so hard while battling an invisible illness. The exhaustion, the guilt, the fear that you're not enough.

You are enough. You are not alone.

I used to think I was the only one who felt like a failure because of my chronic illness. The isolation was almost as painful as the physical symptoms. That's why I created a Facebook community where I teach the same mindset work that transformed my life - complete with live coaching sessions to work through real challenges together.

I've also put together a free guide: "3 Biggest Mistakes Women with Chronic Illness Make (and What to Do Instead)." These are the game-changers that helped me break free from patterns that kept me stuck for years.

Your story isn't over. Your best chapters might still be ahead of you.

Ready to start thriving instead of just surviving?

[Join Our Free Facebook Community] Purpose Beyond Pain

[Download Your Free Guide] 3 Biggest Mindset Mistakes Women with Chronic Illness Make

Disclaimer: This blog post is based on my personal experiences and what has worked for me. It is not intended as medical advice. Please consult with a healthcare professional for any health concerns or before making any changes to your treatment plan.